Have you ever felt stuck in your life, in any way? Of course you have, we all have. We all have different places where we get stuck. Some people are stuck in love, some are stuck in their career, others in their self-expression. We can get stuck in a place where our needs aren't being met - we're lonely, or we're struggling to make ends meet - or we can get stuck in a place where our basic needs are met, but on some level we feel there could be more, and we're not sure how to get there. Perhaps we're in a good relationship, but we wonder if there could be more intimacy or a deeper sexual connection. Perhaps we're in a good job, but we feel we could be doing something more meaningful.
Where are you stuck today? If you could make a change in your life, what would you shift? Even if you don't know what "moving forward" would look like, what part of your life would you like to move forward in? Take a moment with this question. Write down an answer.
Having noticed that we're stuck, what do we do next? There are so many options available to us these days. Some work better than others.
1. We could... Try to figure it out ourselves! This sounds good, and it feels very self-sufficient and independent. I try this one all the time myself; but in my experience, it rarely works. If merely thinking about a situation, with my current perspectives and understandings, were able to provide a way forward, I wouldn't be stuck!
2. We could read a good book or website about the issue. This is closer to the mark - what's wonderful about it is that it introduces new perspectives, new ways to think about, for instance, what true relationship intimacy consists of, or what it means to be giving your deepest gift in your professional life. But transformation through our stuck places rarely happens through cognitive understanding alone. Reading and learning about a topic can give you a clearer picture of where you want to go - which is great! But it doesn't necessarily take you there.
3. We could engage with practices to shift how we relate to an issue. I sometimes feel stuck in my writing, for instance, so I'm engaging with the morning pages practice developed by Julia Cameron; I write stream-of-consciousness for a few pages every morning. If I'm tired of being stressed out all the time, I can engage with a meditation practice. If I'm feeling disconnected from my partner, there are any number of beautiful exercises that we can use to deepen our intimacy - all it requires is a clear shared intention, and setting aside the time. This is very powerful work, and generally very successful.
But when I want to really break up a block, when I want to bring a specific change into my life in a rapid and powerful way, I pack up and go to a workshop. Across the world, there is a huge emerging culture of transformative workshops, retreats, seminars, and intensives that can help you move past blocks and become the person you want to be. You can go to workshops on business, on relationships, on spirituality, on psychology, or on skills you want to develop like writing, speaking, or singing. There are many, many teachers and schools, each with its own nuance, each with its own approach to shifting what you want to shift. Each one is a carefully woven combination of information and practices, in a dedicated period of time, within a supportive container.
I love this approach to human development, so I've become a workshop facilitator; but I also continue to participate as a student, to expand and accelerate my own growth. I'm currently taking a weekly online course from Integral Enlightenment, called "Awakening to an Evolutionary Relationship with Life", to deepen and clarify my own life purpose. I just got back from a weekend tantra workshop for men, from Garden of Ian, to renew my understanding of tantra and to come to a new understanding of what masculine sexuality is. And each week, I go to my Tuesday night Mankind Project group, where we facilitate transformative processes for each other. I've gotten huge expansion from all of these just in the last week, finding deeply buried anger and judgement from my adolescence that I've been able to express, release, and understand. Now I feel more whole, and in more compassion with myself and others.
In addition to having powerful transformative experiences and getting past those blocks, workshops are truly beautiful, connected experiences. The tight container - a group of people gathered for a shared purpose, usually with a strong agreement of confidentiality - supports us all in taking risks. Whatever our normal lives, we all share a desire to expand together, and we want to see each other succeed. The friendships and connections are deep, and fast to develop.
Whoever you are - whatever your story is - whatever it is you might want to change about your life - there's a workshop out there for you. Find it. Schedule it. Set aside the time and money it will take. You don't need to be stuck, there are friends and allies just *waiting* for you to step into the circle and declare your intention.
Welcome.
For those who are interested in transforming their relationships, expanding their experience of sexuality, or in digging deep into their shadows, we still have a couple spaces available in the "Spirit and Shadow" retreat offered November 11-18 by the Divine Feminine Institute, featuring Caroline Muir, myself, and Joe and Julie Mandarino. More information at the Divine Feminine website: http://divine-feminine.com/
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