On Changing the Channel

"OK, let me pull up the results... just let me check..."

Early March, 2013.  Amrita and I wait, eyes on each other, fully present, waiting as the doctor fumbles with her computer.

"I'm sorry, the results aren't here, would you excuse me for a minute?"

She leaves, and we completely crack up.  We know what's happening.  We're here to find out the results of a biopsy of my wife's breast tissue.  We're here to find out if she has cancer, and we really don't know if it's going to be good news or bad.  But still, we're with each other, and in that space, in the tension of the moment, in our impatience with the clumsy medical system and the doctor who can't seem to look us in the eye, all we can do is laugh.

I offer one hopeful opinion in the space that follows.  Surely, I think, all this confusion reflects a hopeful result.  A clear positive is a clear positive, the doctor could have told us that.

But she comes back, and the news is not good.  Lots of long words and obfuscation to cover the simple truth - my wife has breast cancer.  Time to start planning treatment.  Here's an oncologist to go see.  Here's a surgeon, "best breast man on Maui".  (Laughter lurks again.)

As we walk out to the car, I turn to Amrita.  "I'm going to get a job."

Qualities of the Authentic Lover

Last Fall, Ed Fell and I introduced "The Authentic Lover: Intimacy, Sexuality, and Relationship Mastery skills for Men", and we led our first weekend workshop in January. This is really rich work, and we know we've just begun to tap the expansion and depth that's possible in men's work around these issues.

As part of this work, I had to examine a core question - "What is the Authentic Lover?"  We looked at this in the workshop as well.  Here is some of what we've found as the answer - with more to come as this archetype develops over time!

Respect

• The Authentic Lover knows and respects his own needs, boundaries, and desires.

• Whatever the challenges of the world and his relationship, he does not abandon himself!

• He seeks to understand the needs, boundaries, and desires of his partner, and respects those as well.

Sensuality

• The Authentic Lover honors his own body.

• He values and welcomes pleasure as a part of his divine birthright, and as an integral part of the practice of intimacy.

• He initiates intimate connection with his partner.

Responsibility

• The Authentic Lover is honest with his parter about his own experience.

• He is accountable for his mistakes, and also willing to forgive himself for them.

• He notices his moods when they arise, and takes responsibility for resolving them.

• He commits to maintaining honesty, integrity, and transparency unconditionally - no matter what mood he is in.

Vulnerability

• The Authentic Lover is willing to surrender his pride - anytime and anywhere that it serves his truth and his intimate connections.

• He understands that life is play, and is ready to not be so serious.

• He asks for help when he needs it - from his partner, from friends, from the Divine, or from professional resources.

I'd love to hear feedback from men or women on how these qualities sit with you, and what else you think is essential.

Welcome and Aloha.

I'm Apollo Grace, a healer, transformational guide and workshop facilitator living on Maui.  I'm here to open my heart and my mind to be of greatest service to your life and being.  Thank you for connecting.

I live on the slopes of Haleakala, the primary mountain of Maui, in the town of Kula, at 2600 feet.  Haleakala translates as "House of the Sun"; it's to the east of most of the populated areas of the island, so we see the sun rising over it each morning.  House of the Sun is also a good name for my blog; my name, Apollo, is based on Apollo the Sun God, who drives the sun across the sky each day in a chariot.  (Apollo is also the god of healing, and of dreams and intuitive revelation... more about that in a future post...)

My life's work at this point in my life - my mission and purpose - is to support healing and awakening in as many people as possible, with as much ease as possible.  What I've seen in my own life is that transformation and growth doesn't have to be hard.  It has hard moments in it - moments of doubt, of fear, of having to face terrible feelings or seemingly overwhelming challenges.  It may have periods of time that are harder or darker than others.  But the overall path, the formulas of transformation, are not fundamentally hard, and the life that results can be beautiful, meaningful, and largely easy.